When the boy comes around

Growing up in the shadow of a man, I knew what I would become. But, what kind of man do I want to be? Conventional wisdom has it in Happy Valley Utah that the greatest joy is complete submission to a woman. So is that it? I eat, I work, I bleed, all of this just to please. I give it my all, I give it myself. I'm going to take what I've seen carefully crafted in the shadows and prefect it in the shadow I shall cast on the morrow. There is nothing right about the father who tells his son to go do something he wouldn't do himself. I didn't teach my self how to work, I learned. He gave me his time and he could have gotten it done a lot quicker by himself. The silhouette my father casts never was his. In the shadows we grow, we become, and one day we teach children in the shadows they call their own.
As I reflect back on my life. When I was younger, I remember thinking the kids in high school are gigantic. Now that I am here I can look back and see the Jr. High kids are small, but I still feel like the same person. Gold Finger couldn't have said it better "So here I am growing older all the time, looking older all the time feeling younger in my mind". Personally I don't feel I will truly grow up until I become a father. It’s a transformation where you become this person who’s selfless. It's like when everyone is running out of a burning building, firefighters run in. When your sick and contagious a fathers there patting you on the back as you toss your cookies in the bowl. As a kid my brother was maybe four years old watching my dad toss his cookies he came up and started patting him on the back. Learned by example is the human race. As a father you are mending minds if you ruin them you ruin society, they need to be treated with respect. When a mistake is made as a father, there needs to be an apology. The rules you make for them you must follow yourself, so if you have to put some age limits on it. Someone needs to drive the car.
Emptiness, is one of the feelings my friend faces. He lost his father as a young boy to cancer. It’s been almost a decade. He's bipolar, easy to anger, and cannot find a purpose in life. I've seen these effects on his life and its sad how one soul can so easily make or break us. In all, we human beings will always have our own choice, we decide how it ends. The example of a father cycles through the generations and its hard the break the chain.
This is going to be my life. I’m not going to invent something great; I’m going to be a dad. I’m going to be there for my son, my daughter, my wife, and my grand kids. “With arms wide open” as Creed would say.