Biting his lip, he got up again. Clint had been fighting Karl for months. Laws that had been set by society meant nothing. Clint found Moses's an eye for an eye law pleasing. But when it came to revenge he wanted it to be delivered and not just served. What had Karl done to provoke so much anger upon himself? It was simple, Clint's brother Seith was the leader of a band of anarchists known as the Eyes. The Seith Lord had told Clint he didn't like this Karl. Karl was one of the founding brethren of the Eyes.
Karl was sent away at the beginning of the Eyes, on a mission to find means of funding the brethren. While traveling to his appointed sector the pilot had fallen asleep, space travel has always been rather boring. With cruise control left on they stumbled into a atomless hole. Squeezing the ship through the hole into the future. Immediately they were overtaken by the Tablords. Without any thought the Tablords ejected every member of the Eyes into space in luxurious styrofoam coffins. Except Karl, he told the Tablords he knew something they wished they knew they knew. Knowing something they already knew had never once been used in as a bribe in space. He demanded a Stryker and a .42 caliber Wrangler pistol. He left the Tablords a locked time box that could not be opened for 89 days. He road into the moon set out of sight.
Karl had been 87 days free of Tablord control when he found the location of the Eyes. Never once did he self proclaim himself as a leader. In two days the Tablords would deem Karl untrustable and come after him. Fortunately The Eyes were in J.I.B.B.S territory and what J.I.B.B.S stands for no one knows. Jibby: noun, Jibbies: plural, and that is what they are called. Jibbies were hated by Tablords because they drank the Coka cola. Jibbies despised the Pepsi cola. If bystanders of this Holy War of soda ever voiced their opinion to these great armies. They would find themselves in the obituaries without a reason of death. Leading their neighbors to believe they had committed suicide. Karl riding his Stryker into the Eyes's ghettos had some big ideas.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
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The luxurious styrofoam coffins. This is the most interesting image in your opening.
ReplyDeleteJibbies are also very interesting.
I mention this because I feel like your opening had A LOT of things to follow. Clint, Karl, Seith, and the Tablords. And a lot of jargon: the Eyes, the Tablords, Strykers.
I got confused. Maybe you could focus on one thing to get your reader interested. The fight. The Jibbs territory. Or the luxurious styrofoam coffins.
i like how you draw the reader to the story
ReplyDeleteyour the greatest
ReplyDelete